i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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