dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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