I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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