I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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