I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
