You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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