just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
