If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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