the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
