We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
