if only i could text you this smell
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
