I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
