...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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