I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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