There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
