why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
