im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
