hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
