Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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