The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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