Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
