the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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