i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
