You really coming over, don't trick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
