i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
