i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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