i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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