he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize