So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
