Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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