Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
