It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
