hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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