Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
