They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
