in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
