i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
