we have officially lost it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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