this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
