i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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