He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
