I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
