I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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