I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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