In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
