i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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