Barsexuality is the new black.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Damn victory sex feels great
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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