i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
