She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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