I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
