I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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