i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize