we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
