I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
