I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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