I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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