You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
