I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
