Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
