So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
