you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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