oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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