I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
