I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
