i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize