Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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