i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
