So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...