How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
