ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS