Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.