WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.