I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So apparently I’m into choking now
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