The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We named our party play list daddy issues
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
