I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
