Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
