We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
