Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
