if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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