dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you had me at cake vodka
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
