Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
