I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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