It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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